The Broken Butterfly
by turniphead815
Summary: Claire deals with finding out about Charlie. Rated T to be safe. **There were some problems with the second chapter, FIXED**
1. Saying Goodbye

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the characters used. I do not own LOST. **

Everyone else in the camp was filled with excitement and joy as they waited for the arrival of the freighter that promised rescue. Claire, however, was not happy. She couldn't bring herself to smile unless she knew that Charlie was safe. It shouldn't take this long to swim back, especially since it had been hours since the signal had become unblocked. Aaron wasn't helping her frustration at all. He had been wailing ever since the call had come in on Naomi's phone that there was a boat coming for them. The call had said that the boat would come first, with food, and later helicopters would arrive to take them all home. It felt so surreal, but like the other survivors, Claire decided to head to her tent to pack a few things to take home with her. She didn't require much, just a few nappies for Aaron, and a change of clothes. She contemplated packing some of Charlie's things too, but decided against it. He would be back soon, and she imagined him getting angry with her for moving his guitar. But of course Charlie wouldn't be upset at all, he'd probably crack some joke about the whole situation. That was one of the many things that Claire loved about him. As she zipped up her pack, she heard her infant son scream from his cradle. Claire sighed as she walked over to pick him up, and as she did, she noticed something that she hadn't seen before. A thick silver ring with a big 'DS' on it was lying on the blanket. Charlie's. In the three months that she'd known him, he'd never taken it off. Not once. If it was here, in Aaron's crib, it wasn't by accident. Claire got a sinking feeling in her stomach looking at it. She slid the ring onto her thumb, and pressed on it so it would stay. Then she scooped up Aaron and walked toward the water where she saw someone in a small boat. It was definitely too small to be the freighter, but there was clearly only one person on board.

Desmond jumped out of the boat with a few feet left, and walked the rest of the way. He was instantly surrounded by everyone slapping him on the back and yelling their thanks. Claire wasn't interested in that.

"Where's Charlie?" she called out, her voice thick with hope.

"Claire..." Desmond didn't need to finish his sentence. She knew what he would say. Sadness fell over the group that was filled with overwhelming happiness moments ago.

"It's okay. Charlie is fine, he promised me that he would be okay." Claire said decisively, as if nothing could go wrong.

"Claire, I saw him...he..." She didn't wait for him to finish, she didn't want to hear it.

"He said he would be fine." Claire turned around and went back up to her tent to finish packing. She looked around, deciding which of Charlie's things to take with her. His guitar case was still propped up against the makeshift bed, his backpack was on the ground, and his trademark hoodie was draped over it. A corner of his notebook which he kept the songs he had written was sticking out. She couldn't help hoping that a song or two was written about her.

"Claire?" Claire turned around to see Sun and Kate standing in the entrance to her tent.

"What?" Claire asked. "Charlie is fine. I know it." 

"I'm sorry, but I really don't think he is," Kate said quietly.

"Desmond said that he knew, and he was brave. He said that Charlie was a hero." Sun continued. Claire suddenly grew angry.

"You're all bloody liars! Just get away from me!"

"Claire-"

"Just go!" The words echoed in her head, and she heard herself saying the exact same thing to Charlie just days ago.

"_I thought you were here for me, that I could count on you!" She had screamed. "But I was wrong."_

"_No, Claire!"_

"_No, I'm on my own, and at least I know that now."_

"_Claire!"_

"_Just go!"_

She wasn't able to see how wrong she was until he was gone. "I just need to be alone right now okay?"

"Right, okay." Kate said and she and Sun walked away.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Claire didn't sleep that night. Aaron continued to be fussy all through the day, and finally fell asleep late at night. Claire was holding him, he hated to be in his cradle now, and sitting on the beach as the sun came up. The waves were gently lapping up against her ankles, the wet sand finding its way between her toes. She barely turned her head when she heard someone sit down next to her.

"Good morning." Claire didn't respond. She kept her eyes on the water hoping, praying, that she would see Charlie swimming up to tell her this was all some sort of misunderstanding. Next to her, Jack didn't push her to talk, he just sat with her for a few minutes.

"You don't need to stay here," She said.

"Actually, I just wanted to let you know that we're having a memorial service. I wanted to know if you would say something?" Claire remembered how Sayid had spoken at both Shannon's and Boone's funerals, and Hurley had spoken at Libby's, and even at Nikki and Paulo's. Someone should talk at Charlie's too, but no one on the island knew him like she did. They probably still saw the drug addict that had taken Aaron right out of his crib in the middle of the night, but Claire saw past that to what a wonderful person he truly was. But she couldn't speak. How could she? She wanted _someone_ to say something but she didn't want to, at the same time, she really didn't want anyone else to say anything.

"I don't think I can," Claire said, her voice barely above a whisper. "Sorry."

"Don't worry about it," Jack said politely. "I'll ask Hurley." Claire glanced down the beach to the little cemetery where seven people lay buried already. Hurley was sitting with his head bent down in front of them, and a little ways away, she saw Sayid constructing a cross, undoubtedly for Charlie. She pressed the ring into her palm, and then stood up and headed back for her tent.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

When the sun had fully risen, people began gathering by the graves for Charlie's memorial service. Claire watched from her tent, but did not join them.

"Are you coming, Claire?" Claire turned around in surprise to see Sayid standing there. They had never spoken much, so he was one of the last people she expected to try to talk to her now.

"No, I don't think so," She half hoped he would just leave, but half hoped that he would stay with her. He stayed, at least for another moment. "How did you get through it Sayid? With Shannon?"

"I didn't," Sayid responded after a short pause. "I miss her every day." Claire nodded. She understood perfectly, and now all she wanted to do was be by herself and cry. She wanted to cry for all the fights that she and Charlie had, and the fact that she would never get to apologize. She wanted to cry for the times when she was scared or upset and Charlie had made her feel safe, even in this horrible place, and now she would never get to thank him. She wanted to cry for Aaron, too, and the fact that the only father he'd ever had was gone, and neither of them really got a chance to say good bye. Even though she'd said good bye before he left, she didn't know that it was the last time they would ever kiss, or that she would never see his face again. Instead of crying, she followed Sayid to the crowd of survivors. She hung toward the back while the final few people came up to pay their last respects when all of a sudden, an immense form came into view in the water.

"It's the boat!" Kate declared, and soon everyone had run to the water cheering and yelling, waiting for the slowly approaching freighter. Claire felt deep rage for this. Charlie hadn't gotten his memorial service, which he deserved more then anyone since he was the reason that this boat was even here!

"Jack!" Claire practically had to scream to be heard over everyones cheers. "Jack! What about the memorial service?" Jack clearly couldn't hear her. Frustrated, she walked back to her tent, set Aaron down and started packing up Charlie's things. First, she just pulled his guitar and his backpack out and left them near her own bag, but she couldn't bear to leave the rest of his possessions, things that had once meant so much to him, behind.

- - - - - - - - - - -

Much later that night, all of the craziness from that day had begun to wear off. The freighter brought some much needed food which was split up evenly, and now there was nothing left to do but wait for the planes that would finally take them home. It had been mutually agreed that Claire, Sun, Jin, and Hurley would be on the first flight out. They were asked to only bring one bag each, so Claire had decided to leave all of her things behind,except for her diary, and bring Charlie's backpack and guitar with her. Claire held her tiny son close to her chest and looked out at the sky. More then anything, she wished that Charlie was here to share this moment with her. They'd both been waiting for it since the minute the plane had crashed.

A few hours passed before a small seaplane landed on their island. Claire wasn't sure where the mysterious "others" were now, only that they were not here, and there was no way that they could stop anyone from getting home now. The four that had been chosen to fly home first were boarding the plane in the early light of a new morning. 24 hours earlier Claire had been sitting on this very beach hoping that Charlie to come back to her. He hadn't. Claire was the last one to get on the plane. She passed Aaron to Sun, and took a last look around at this poison paradise, and pressed on her thumb. A second later she looked down to see a bare hand. No ring. Frantically, Claire stepped off the plane and raced back to her tent, her eyes on the ground the whole time. Nothing. Claire ripped through her abandoned luggage without a sign of it.

"Claire? What's going on?" Claire heard Jack's soothing voice, but she didn't turn around.

"Send someone else on the first flight, I don't care, but I can't leave. Not until I find it."

"Are you looking for this?" Claire did turn when she heard the now familiar Scottish accent. Desmond hadn't spoken to her since he'd been back, but now there he was, holding up the ring. Claire snatched it out of his hands quickly, but didn't thank him. "Wait, Claire. I have something else for you." Claire stopped, but only turned half way as Desmond handed her a badly smudged and nearly unreadable piece of paper. "Charlie asked me to give it to you." Claire's eyes ran over the page.

"What is this?" She asked. There were numbers going down the side of the page, but as hard as she squinted, she couldn't make out what was written next to the numbers.

"He said...that they were his greatest memories," Desmond replied softly. Claire thought about this for a minute before piecing it all together. The ring. The note.

"_Desmond said that he knew,"_

"You had a vision didn't you?" Claire shouted suddenly, outraged. "And you just let him die! You selfish bastard! You were supposed to save him!" Tears were flowing down her face now, and a loud sob escaped from her throat.

"I did have a vision," Desmond said calmly. "Of you and your baby getting into a helicopter. I wanted to switch places with him but he wouldn't... I'm sorry Claire."

"No, you're not sorry! You let him die!" Claire started beating him with her fists, nearly hysterical. Jack stepped in to pull her away, and she collapsed in the sand. "I didn't want him to die for me. I need him."

**Author's Note: I know the ending isn't great, but I'm planning to add another chapter or two to pull it all together. Thanks for reading!**


	2. Letting Go

**Disclaimer: I do not own LOST. I don't own the song either-- it is "Wrong Way" from **

_I thought I'd taken another wrong turn  
Instead it took me straight to you  
Never expected to find you there  
Discovered what I needed  
Found it in a place I wasn't supposed to be_

Claire ran her fingers down the page, over the carefully written words, and she noticed a drop of water on the paper. That's when she realized she was crying. They had been rescued 9 days ago. Her Aunt Lindsay had come to LA to meet her, and the three of them stayed in California for awhile, with all of the expected press and interviews she'd had to give. Now though, it was time to go back to Australia. It was the only home she'd ever known, and it wasn't like many of the other survivors would be staying in Los Angeles either. Kate was going to be in court, Sun and Jin were going back to Korea, and who knows where Sawyer would end up. Only Jack and Hurley were staying for sure.

"What's that?" Claire and Lindsay had never had the best relationship, especially since the car accident that left her mother in a coma, but since Claire had been back, Lindsay had been extra nice to her.

"Oh, it's...it's nothing." Claire said shutting the notebook, and touching the ring she now wore on a chain around her neck. She hadn't tried to read the paper Desmond gave her, Charlie's last words, again, but she would, some day, when she was ready. She thought of Charlie now, and how if he were alive, she and Aaron probably would not be returning to Australia. They would live in an apartment together just like Charlie promised. She vaguely remembered Charlie telling her about a brother of his who lived in Australia. As she thought about this, an idea came into her head.

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

Claire stood on the front porch feeling uneasy. The house was bright and sunny, and the neighborhood was very friendly, but Claire didn't feel happy at all. She had barely been back in her home country for a week before she set off again, this time leaving Aaron with her aunt to talk to someone very important. The door opened and Claire forced a smile when she saw a thin woman holding on to a small child.

"Hi, uh, it Liam here?" The child was screaming her head off, and the woman who Claire assumed was the little girl's mother looked extremely tired.

"We aren't interested in anything you're selling. Good day." The woman tried to close the door, but Claire grabbed it and held it open.

"No, I really need to talk to him. It's about his brother." The woman paused for a second, confused.

"Charlie died," the woman insisted, growing impatient. Just then, a tired looking man with messy brown hair and a hint of Charlie on his face walked in.

"Karen, what the bloody hell is going on? I'm trying to sleep." Karen rolled her eyes.

"Some girl wants to talk to you." Karen took her daughter and left, leaving the door wide open.

"Yes? What?" Liam was irritated already.

"I just...I wanted to tell you about Charlie."

"Tell me what about Charlie?"

"He didn't die in the plane crash. He drowned, he unblocked a signal so we could all be rescued. Without him, we'd all still be on the island."

"What? Were you on the plane?"

"Yes," Claire said softly, feeling tears welling in her eyes. "If you're not too busy, could I just talk to you for a minute?" Liam nodded and stepped aside so she could get in. He led her to a small table in the bright kitchen.

"You and Charlie were close then?" Claire nodded.

"He was great to me. He took care of my son, he took care of me when I was sick, and when I was upset or scared he made me feel safe." She smiled slightly thinking about him. Liam didn't say anything, silently urging her to go on. This was hard for him too. The last time he'd seen his baby brother was when Charlie had stormed out after Liam offered to get him help. "Anyway," Claire continued, pulling the chain out from her shirt and taking it off her neck. "Charlie left this for me. My son, really. I know its a family heirloom and all that so..." As Claire slid the ring across the table, she couldn't help the tears sliding down her cheeks. She'd known she would have to give the ring back, but it was one of her last remaining pieces of Charlie, and she didn't want to give it up. Liam picked up the ring, and examined it before sliding it back across the table to Claire.

"Keep it."

"But why? It's been in your family for so long... I thought you would want it. Charlie would have wanted it."

"Did he say he wanted me to have it?"

"Well, no, but..."

"Claire, if Charlie left this for your son, he left it for your son. Not for me." Liam smiled sadly as he pressed the ring into Claire's palm. Neither of them spoke for a minute, not knowing what to say.

"Thank you." Liam just nodded in response. Claire stood up to leave and Liam walked her to the front door.

"Here is my phone number," He said softly. "If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here." Claire took the piece of paper, and walked back to her car, where she sat for a good ten minutes just crying.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Five years after they got rescued, Claire no longer sleeps in Charlie's sweatshirt every night. It stays in a box beneath her bed, for the nights when she gets really lonely. His guitar case remains propped against the closet door. She never takes it out, just like she never takes his note out any more. She had never been able to make out the last four moments, but with a lot of squinting, and studying late into the night, she found that number one read, 'The night I met you.' The ring, however stayed on the chain, around Claire's neck at all times. She removed it only when she showered or went swimming.

As for the other survivors, some had made an effort to keep in touch, but Claire didn't really want to talk to any of them right after they returned home, and soon contact information got lost. Desmond had called her faithfully once a month for a year, a phone call which Claire normally tried to avoid, and when she did talk to him, she did not stay on the phone long, making an excuse about how she didn't want to run up his bill. He sent her an invitation to his wedding, 14 months after the rescue, but she hadn't gone, and he never called any more. Sayid wrote letters at first, and he too had sent a wedding invitation, his just last year. She didn't go to that one either, and had only heard from him once since. The last Claire had heard from Kate, she was serving eight months in jail, but they hadn't been in touch since she got released. Jack came to Sydney once, to see her and Aaron. It had been a painfully awkward visit for Claire, and when he left, he asked her to call him, which she didn't. Sun had called twice, both times Claire didn't answer. It was easier to ignore them all and pretend Charlie had never existed, that she could just return to her old life. That wasn't possible, of course. She would never forget about Charlie. The only survivor Claire still talked to was Hurley. He called every few weeks to check in, and Claire surprised herself by actually getting excited when she heard his voice. They hadn't seen each other since the crash, but they were making plans to meet up. As for Liam, Claire brought Aaron over to see him three times, but then it got too hard, and she stopped visiting. Every time she looked at Liam, she saw Charlie. She still called him every once in awhile, but didn't invite him to come see her.

Today, Claire stood at the kitchen counter making Aaron a peanut butter sandwich for lunch.

"Mommy, why don't I have a daddy?" Aaron's question was so innocent and simple, yet it caught Claire off guard, and she felt like the wind had been knocked out of her.

"You do."

"I do? Where is he?" Claire could already feel the tears forming in her eyes.

"He died when you were just a baby. But he loved you very, very much." Claire took off the chain she wore around her neck and showed it to her son. "This was your daddy's. He wanted you to have it."

"He did?" Claire nodded.

"When you get older you can have it and give it to your own son." Claire slid the chain back on to her neck. She wasn't quite ready to give it up yet.

"What was my daddy's name?" Claire smiled to herself as his image popped up in her mind.

"His name was Charlie."


End file.
